Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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