Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
