I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
