Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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