i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
