There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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