Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
