You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
