1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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