So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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