U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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