The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
