i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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