Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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