I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
