if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
