did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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