I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
