I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
