The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
