If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
