$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
