I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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