She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry about my life...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
