its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
