his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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