So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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