so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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