i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
