I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think people are normalizing furries
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
