he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
