Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
