My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
