I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
