Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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