tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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