...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
