remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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