did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
