im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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