He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
