Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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