yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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