was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
