so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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