Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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