I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
