turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
