her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
