My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
