i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
