you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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